Smackdown Quick Thoughts 29/10/2010

Posted by: Mike

Sorry this week's thoughts are late! I spent most of yesterday feeling sorry for myself after my early Halloween night out resulted in me being sick in a taxi and paying a not insubstantial fine! Anyway, enough self-pitying prattle, I have thoughts!

Smackdown Quick Thoughts 29/10/2010

Undertaker's Funeral

- We start off with Kane and Paul Bearer overlooking The Undertaker's 'grave'. I have to wonder why WWE would continue to employ someone who supposedly murdered another wrestler live on PPV. Then again, they've never made Randy Orton seek professional help for his schizophrenia, so maybe they just don't care...

- Man, this is the worst euology ever... It's almost as though Kane didn't even like The Undertaker... I hope whoever gives my eulogy should the worst ever happen does a better job than this. Another thought strikes me, is this show even in the same venue as Bragging Rights? I doubt it. That means they actually moved the whole grave, body and tombstone and all, and placed it at ringside in another arena. My suspension of disbelief is always stretched rather thin during things like this!

- How does Taker's pretty young wife Michelle McCool feel about his death less than 4 months into their marriage? And after such a beautiful ceremony too!

So... You wanna do it?

- Awww, how romantic!

- The crowd are chanting 'You suck' at Kane. I've never been to a funeral where the mourners chanted insults at those speaking. Maybe I'm not going to the right funerals?

- We're interrupted in our minute of silence for the Undertaker by Alberrrrrrto Del Rrrrrrrrio! I half expected him to come out dressed as a Day of the Dead skeleton, partly in tribute and partly as his Halloween costume!

- Okay, Rey Mysterio just delivered the 619 to Paul Bearer. This is already the weirdest episode of Smackdown I've seen this year!

- Undertaker's funeral ends with Edge standing tall after spearing Kane, guess we're setting up a program with those two for Survivor Series? Hopefully Edge can drag Kane to a better match than we've seen out of him the last few months.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan defeated Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler via pinfall (Dolph got his fucking head kicked in)

- Oh God... Vickie's out in a skintight leopard print outfit! What has been seen can never be unseen!

- Daniel Bryan on Smackdown! It's like I've died and gone to wrestling Heaven! Looks like we're going to see yet another rematch between Bryan and Ziggler. I for one will never complain about this.

- Michael Cole is actually putting over Daniel Bryan's submission moves and technical prowess! Finally, rather than just burying him! Baby steps Cole, baby steps! No, wait, just called him a nerd again. Nevermind.

- Dolph's Intercontinental title win was described as his first WWE belt, does no one remember when he was a member of the Spirit Squad?

And I wonder why the tag belts mean nothing these days...

- Just once, I want to hear an announcer say 'I got the chance to speak with Daniel Bryan earlier and he told that 'Dolph Ziggler is going to get his fucking head kicked in!' Damn you PG... I've been watching these guys kick eachother in the head for a week straight now, and it never gets boring nor does it look any less sick!

- Brutal spot as Bryan suplexes Dolph out of the ring and practically lands on him as Dolph's head bounces off the apron!

- Another fine match from these two. All three matches have told several great stories, firstly the battles to lock in Daniel Bryan's Labell Lock and Ziggler's Sleeper Hold. Secondly, periodic kicks to the head as a sustained form of offence from both men as they try to outdo eachother. Thirdly, Ziggler and Guerrero feeling that they're being cheated out of victories by unfair officiating. This is all wrestling needs, simple stories that're told mostly in the ring. No need for soap opera drama!

- Todd Grisham is shilling Stand Up For WWE. I can't be the only one who thinks that Vince is doing Linda's chances at winning that senate seat more harm than good with this program. I'll admit, I enjoy WWE Programming, and Heaven forbid if I ever have children I'd probably watch the shows with them without feeling that they'd be seeing anything too inappropriate, but that doesn't change the fact that there are things very wrong with this business. Whether it be the classification of wrestlers as independent contractors, or the drug problem which is still there, no matter what WWE tells you.  Vince McMahon's reaction any time someone criticizes the business of wrestling, whether the claim is valid or not, comes off as childish and immature to me. Sorry about the rant, just something I feel strongly about!

DASHING Cody Rhodes backstage

- And here's my boy, DASHING Cody Rhodes, staring at himself in the mirror, and explaining to Kelly Kelly Kelly how DASHING can be achieved, with his eyes as blue as an Amarillo sky, teeth so white they blind and skin as smooth as smooth can get. Cody accidently talks himself into a tag team match with the Big Show and a partner of Show's choice later in the night. Goodbye Rhodes and McIntyre, it was nice knowing you.

- Did you know? No. And as always, I don't care.

- I'm afraid that's all I've got time for right now, but pinky swear that I'll cover the rest of Smackdown later today or tomorrow! Until next time, remember...

It's okay to murder a co-worker, provided you do it live on PPV!

Smackdown Quick Thoughts 15/10/2010

Posted by: Mike

So, some big news for Mass Movement's Wrestling section, as just under a week ago, Leigh and myself got to interview The Best In The World At What He Does, The Man Of 1004 Holds (Count 'em), The First Ever Undisputed Champion and frontman of Fozzy, Chris Jericho! I won't say too much about it, save that he seemed a really cool, down to Earth guy who was happy to talk to us, even if I did inadvertantly tell him his book 'blew me a whale' and then attempted the awkward, fumbling white guy handshake... Just once I'd like to make a good first impression, please? He was also nice enough to describe my interviewing skills (jokingly) as 'mediocre at best'. High praise indeed from the best in the world at what he does.

But enough about that! I have thoughts!

Smackdown Quick Thoughts

Rey Mysterio defeated DASHING Cody Rhodes - Bragging Rights Qualifying Match

- We start off with what appears to be a cardboard cut out of The Undertaker on the roof of the building... If these are his new powers... I remain unimpressed, most ineffective superhero ever.

- I still disapprove of 3-man announce teams... Always seems too cramped as announcers scramble to get a word in edgeways... However, apparently Vince is really high on Michael Cole these days which just serves to tell me that apparently Vince McMahon is really high.

- I still can't believe anyone thought it'd be a good idea to put Santino on the Raw team... I like the guy, I think he has a place on the Raw roster... But that place is not on PPV. Michael Cole just accused Smackdown of stealing Raw's idea for qualifying matches, as though he personally invented them... Does Vince not realise that 90% of the time, when Michael Cole heels it up he makes no sense? He even claimed that the addition of Daniel Bryan to Team WWE at Summerslam cost them the match... Hello... Team WWE won that encounter!

- 'WOAH! You're only smoke and mirrors!' I really hope that music is in the new Smackdown Vs Raw video game... I know it's dorky, but I totally want it for my new Create a Wrestler... Also, a shiny penny for the first person to bring me DASHING Cody Rhodes' ring jacket...

- Cole just made the point that Big Show turned on Raw to aid Smackdown last year at Bragging Rights. Good point and one well remembered. However, he then proceeded to say 'What if he does the same this year?' How can he possibly turn on Raw? He's a Smackdown superstar! Urgh, can someone please get him off my screen?

- A fine little match to kick off Smackdown. I may never agree with my boy Rhodes losing, but Rey's obviously higher on the card, and his inclusion on Team Smackdown prevents me from having to watch him in a one on one match on PPV, so I can't complain.

Paul Bearer's Challenge

- Undertaker is challenged to a Buried Alive match at Bragging Rights. I hate these type of gimmick matches, and let's face it, while the storyline has been fantastic, they haven't exactly been lighting the world on fire (no pun intended) with their matches... But I guess I'll reserve judgment until having watched the match. 

- Do You Know? No, and as always, I don't care.

Jack Swagger w/ Swagger Soaring Eagle defeated MVP - Bragging Rights Qualifier

- Big Show on commentary is doing a great job of putting everyone involved in Bragging Rights over, and doing a much better job than most guys do on guest commentary. Leigh put the idea to me a while back that when his in-ring career is over, he'd make a great announcer, and while I've never really thought about it before, I think there's definitely something to that idea. No one gave JBL a chance when he took to the booth and he turned out to be awesome on every level!

- More great lines from Matt Striker, after The Swagger Soaring Eagle is thrown into the announcer table:
Grisham: I hope PETA's not watching!
Striker: Who's Peter?

- Good to see Swagger get a clean, if unimpressive victory on Smackdown, something that hasn't happened in a very long time!

Alberrrrrrto Del Rrrrrrrrio defeated Chris Masters - Bragging Rights Qualifier

- I need to get someone to translate Ricardo's ring announcing for Alberto Del Rio. I've no idea what he's saying, but I'm willing to bet it's awesome! I already feel safe in saying that Chris Masters is going to tap out like a little bitch here tonight

- Good selling from Masters as he can't lock in the Masterlock due to the damage done to the left arm by Del Rio.

- And just as predicted, Masters taps like a little bitch. I forget, does Masters still make his pecs dance? While funny, I don't see how that's helped his career in WWE...

Remember when I main evented New Year's Revolution? No? Me neither!

- Wow, looking at that old picture has made me realise why he's not getting a push... Have you seen him now? All that steroid-gained muscle mass is gone, why would Vince bother pushing him now?

Edge defeated Dolph Ziggler - Bragging Rights Qualifier

- Looks like Show's a regular fixture at the announcer booth tonight, I can't complain, he's definitely added more to the show than Michael Cole has, ever!

- Not much to say for this save that this was a fantastic TV match that made Dolph Ziggler look as though he can comfortably hang with main event talent. Dolph is going a long way to prove, week after week that he can have a fun match with just about anybody!

- Edge stops on his way up the ramp to sign an autograph for a screaming fan. Now that's class for you. I'm actually glad Edge is face again, and his run certainly seems to be going better than it did back in January when he returned! I like being able to cheer Edge!

Kaval defeated Big Show - Five Minute Challenge, Bragging Rights Qualifier

- Kaval gets the jobber's entrance. This does not bode well for him. So McGillicutty and Harris get a prominent role on Raw, yet the NXT Season 2 winner gets treated like a jobber on Smackdown. How is this right?

- Well, I've never been happier to be wrong. It would have been nice for Kaval to get in a little more offence, but cool he's going to be on his first PPV at Bragging Rights.

Tyler Reks defeated Kaval - Bragging Rights Qualifier

- Tyler Reks? Jesus, it's been so long since I've seen him I'd forgotten what he looked like... Hasn't he been jobbing for like, the last year and a half... Well. Once again I'm forced to eat my words. If Raw has Santino, I guess Smackdown needs a jobber too. But at least Santino has been consistently on Raw the last few years, I doubt most fans even know who Tyler is...

- Thank you, DASHING Cody Rhodes! I've always had perfect nails, but it's nice to know that they're appreciated, and hopefully I'll no longer have to put up with other people's filthy, disgusting cuticles... I can't vouch for the nail polish as I have mine buffed when I have a manicure, much less chance of chipping! ... But take care of your nails, they may help you win tag team championships! Thank you DASHING Cody Rhodes, for bringing the world one step closer to dashing!

Kofi Kingston defeated Drew McIntyre - Bragging Rights Qualifier

- This felt too short to really be much of anything. I hope they're actually gonna build Kofi up this time, his on again/off again pushes over the last year have really left me confused to how I'm supposed to view Kofi as a superstar.

Main Event Promo - Kane and The Undertaker

- Gotta say, I really dig the whole flame projection onto the ring canvas in Kane's entrance. Makes him seem like... I dunno, the real deal. This whole storyline has really elevated Kane, who no doubt deserves it after being with the company for well over 10 years!

- Great promo from Kane, not up to his earlier standards, but a good set up none the less. The crowd are chanting for 'Taker, and one guy is hilariously chanting about a second and a half behind everyone else! The show ends with Undertaker displaying Kane's 'powers' and Kane and Bearer running scared without the urn... End scene!

- Overall a great Smackdown this evening, minimal bullshit, some great wrestling, and a solid looking team for Bragging Rights. This show served only to build up the Bragging Rights match, but looked fantastic doing so. Also, I feel it's important to note that Smackdown had more wrestling in their first two matches than Impact had on their entire show this week. Good stuff from the Blue Brand.

Anyway, that's all from me, until next time, remember...

Mike's recapping skills are mediocre at best. Do you understand what I am saying to you right now?

Duly noted Chris. Duly noted.

Smackdown Thoughts 01/10/2010

So, I've been rather lax in updating this thing, and for that, I apologise. In future I'm going to try and write at least 2 columns a week. I thought I'd start by giving my thoughts on Smackdown's debut on the SyFy channel last night, or as I like to refer to it, 'Friday Night Raw'. Unsurprisingly, the show included alot of Raw talent, which isn't massively surprising, considering they're apparently viewing Smackdown no longer as Vince's red-headed illegitimate child, but equal to Raw. It remains to be seen how this pans out considering they now plan on focussing on entertainment more than wrestling, which is a shame, but I remain optimistic! Anyway, enough prattle, I have thoughts!

Smackdown Quick Thoughts

MVP Vs. Dolph Ziggler (c) for the Intercontinental Championship

- Very odd opening, with the champion, Dolph Ziggler already in the ring, teething trouble with a live broadcast I guess. Great way to start their first show on SyFy, with a title match to make the belt seem important. Plus, it's a fresh oponent for Dolph, which, after watching him tangle with Kofi all Summer, I'm all for. Not sure on the new opening theme though... Is that Greenday? Are they even still relevant in this day and age? I'm sure I'm going to catch some stick for that comment.

-Commentary did a great job of putting over both men to new viewers who may not have heard of them, or even watched the show before, smart move considering they're on a new network with a wider viewership.

- Ah, okay, my positivity ends here... So basically, they take the segment from Summerslam that people despised, and decided to repeat it here? Not a smart move. I love Nexus, but I was looking forward to a fresh bout.

- Oh God... Michael Cole? Is he on every single program now? I watch Smackdown to get away from his commentary! Is nowhere safe? Is nowhere sacred? Maybe I should just kidnap JBL and Joey Styles and get them to do live commentary at my house... Can we get someone on that ASAP please?

Diva 8 Woman Tag Match

- As always, I have little to say about the diva tag match except - HOLY CRAP! Did Michelle McCool just kick that midget? Move over Maryse, I have a new favourite diva! I could watch that every day until the end of time.

Jack Swagger's All American American Homecoming

- Swagger's homecoming was something I'd have expected to see on Raw, and a dreadful use of Swagger's talent, but it was inoffensive enough I guess, and I love his new mascot, the 'Swagger Soaring Eagle'. He's right, mascots are cool! But having GlaDOS as RAW General Manager was slightly cooler.

"And I quote: Edge, despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you have managed to break so far is my heart"

- Dead Bird! Dead bird! Dead bird! I never thought I'd say this, but Edge just speared a freakin' eagle into extinction!

DASHING Cody Rhodes Promo

- Yes! DASHING Cody Rhodes' grooming tips! Thank you, DASHING Cody Rhodes! I no longer have to deal with those unsightly pit stains! I am now one step closer to dashing! On the other hand... Stop advising me to shave things!

- Line of the evening:

Cole: Well obviously Todd, you need to take that advice, you're dripping like a faucet tonight!

Grisham: That's because you're spitting on me...

5 on 1 Handicap Match: The Big Show Vs. The Nexus

- Okay, a couple of people have told me in the last few months that I look dreadful in hats, but I can't possibly look as stupid as Big Show in that Godawful headband?

- Awesome visual of The Nexus applying scissor holds, armbars and leglocks to every part of Big Show's body to the point where he's physically unable to tap out! This is how a handicap match should be done. Take note Straight Edge Society!

- I'm not sure if it was intentional, but Gabriel's second 450 splash looked like he hit Show with his knees! Owch, I wouldn't wanna take that move...

CM Punk Vs. Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer

- Interesting approach, putting the advertised main event on in the middle of the show. Oh well, no matter. Bye bye CM Punk, it was nice knowing you!

- Say, Paul Bearer... Wasn't he that guy that was suffocated in porridge a few years ago?

Maybe he just ate his way out?

- Taker's back in his Ministry garb, nice touch! Oh, he's got his normal attire on underneath... Booooo...

- Taker's entrance clocks in at an impressive 2:56. That's longer than the opening match.

- VINTAGE Undertaker! Take a shot! What do you mean it's 10:30 AM? How early is too early?

- Well, the burial of CM Punk in 2010 continues. R.I.P. CM Punk's WWE Career: 2005-2010.

Albert Del Rio's Awesome Promo Time

 

- Y'know, I should be mat at him for injuring Christian, but damnit if this guy isn't an amazing heel. He can do as much with a wink or a smile as Chris Jericho can do with a microphone in five minutes.

 

- Hey! It's Rey Mysterio! It's so good to see him back! Is it me, or does he look a little furrier than he used to? Did he grow out his facial hair or something?

- Okay, the little bandages on the dog's paw are an awesome touch!

Randy Orton Vs. DASHING Cody Rhodes w/ Drew McIntyre

 

- Brand extension? What brand extension? I can actually get them having so many Raw stars on Smackdown this week. Not just because of the hype for their debut on SyFy, but because they only have two weeks to hype Hell In A Cell, so it makes sense to cram as much build in as possible!

- VINTAGE Orton! Take another shot! I'm not sure my liver can take Michael Cole's commentary.

- Wow, forget DASHING... Cody Rhodes is one step closer to DEAD. Hey, look at that, one man single-handedly destroying the tag team champions. Just when it looked like they were building Rhodes and McIntyre as a credible tag team too. Maybe next week they can feed them to the Big Show too? Couldn't they have sent Matt Hardy out there? It's not like he's doing anything lately, except being a certified nutter butter, and probably sucking on a chicken bone...

"Mark Henry challenged me to a pizza eating contest... What was I supposed to do?"

Kane Vs. John Cena

 

- Okay, how can Kane not see this coming by now? Surely when the lights go down and then come back up he MUST think 'He's behind me, isn't he?', no one's that bad at pattern recognition!

- Had a genuine chuckle as some guy who's stupid enough to stand on the steps cheering as Kane and Undertaker brawl up them gets bowled over by Kane landing on him!

Quicker Quick Thoughts

 

I've got real mixed feelings on this week's show. While it had some great storyline advancement for HIAC and set up Smackdown nicely on SyFy for people who've never watched it before, that's about all it had. An abundance of squash matches, the continuing burial of CM Punk and a big step back for DASHING Cody Rhodes after jobbing to Orton in 2 minutes... I'll probably have a review for HIAC up some time this week, but until then, remember...

"Matt Hardy will not dieeeeeee-et"